Tag Archives: birth

An Uncomfortable Encounter With Racism

I wish I could say that I’m well versed in racial justice and that I’m totally enlightened and am ready to pave the way toward genuine racial equality in birth work. But I’m not. The uncomfortable encounter I’m having with racism is my own…

Oh, I’m not out burning crosses or wearing hoods, I confront people straight out if they make comments that are overtly racist in nature (no one in my family will use the N word around me or will talk about ‘dot heads’ because they know they’ll hear about it). I don’t laugh at racist jokes, I intentionally include pictures of people from all races and ethnicities when creating print materials and have never been surprised to find that a person of color is smart, educated, capable and powerful. I have black ‘family members’ (dear family friends), I’ve worked happily in ‘black’ churches, had black bosses I respected immensely, have black friends that are dear to me, had a black house-mate once (he and my husband and I would eat soup and watch ‘Lost’ together) and cared for black foster-children all very comfortably, without giving it much thought. To me, color doesn’t matter much.

But I can’t escape my privilege. Have you ever heard of white privilege? It’s not about overt personal racism, it’s about benefits that one unintentionally reaps because of living in a society that is geared toward white people. The very fact that I don’t think much about the color of people around me- and how their color (or mine) may be affecting their lives- is a sign of my privilege. I don’t *have* to think about it, because my color doesn’t cause me pain in this society. And it’s near impossible to ‘see’ my own privilege- like trying to look at my own nose. It’s by the testimony of others, by using my sense of touch, even, that I know it’s there. I’ve recently begun thinking of white privilege as a pitch I can’t quite hear (but others can) or a scent I can’t quite catch (but others can).

In some ways, it’s funny that I have white privilege- I’m the first generation daughter of Cuban refugees who fled during the early part of Castro’s regime. My grandmother speaks only spanish, my father is bi-lingual and I *think* may still have illegal status in this country. I do remember talks about green cards when I was younger. I distinctly remember an encounter with a man when I was working in a clothing store while in high school. This man- older than I, in his 30s- glared at me and mumbled something about  ‘dirty Mexicans’ under his breath. Then he grabbed his bag away from me as I handed his purchase to him. It completely confused me. And when I was in college I was sent a bunch of information for ‘students of color’, I suppose, because of my distinctly hispanic last name.

And yet, I was raised by my white Italian-Irish mother who can’t remember how long ago her family came to these shores.

I’ve recently read (and I’m kicking myself that I can’t find the article or blog I read this in) that the closest a white person will ever know how it feels to be called an ‘N-word’ is when someone calls them a racist. The defensive, sickly shame that fills one gut when either word is uttered should tell us that there’s something going on. Pain is a signal to us that movement is needed.

Together

Together

And that brings me to why I’m posting this in a blog about bellies, birth, breastfeeding & birth workers- the discussion about white privilege is alive and well in the birth community. It started long ago, but I first became aware of these issues about a year ago when the entire ‘Midwives of Color’ section stepped down from the Midwives Alliance of North America (MANA). There has been (I think) good movement in MANA since that time. More recently, Jan Tritten of Midwifery Today wrote an e-newsletter likening childbirth advocates to abolitionists and childbearing women to slaves which caused a very strong reaction among people who (rightly) feel the affects of slavery were *way* more harmful and difficult to change than birthing trends. (FYI: Jan is a lovely woman. She has retracted her statements, apologized, and is trying to find a way to give a voice to those who wrote to her to object to the article.)

Many birth workers continue to be concerned about the lack of diversity among midwives, doulas, birth centers and lactation specialists. And black mothers and babies continue to suffer harm at higher rates than white mothers and babies do. White privilege exists. Racism is alive and well and it’s impacting families- it affects us all.

So what can be done? Well, Mia McKenzie over at Black Girl Dangerous has some suggestions about what white people can do to begin to untangle these issues. This blog post is partly in response to her suggestions (thanks, Mia- I hope you discover this and feel good that your words have impact). Also, I personally, have begun thinking about ways in which I can positively impact privilege- but that’s a whole ‘nother blog post.

I encourage you to get involved with some of the organizations linked to above. I encourage you to be curious about this, to ask questions and to allow any unsettled feelings to be as they are without trying to ignore them or make them go away. In the places you feel pain, you know that movement is needed. Be brave- it’s the only way that things will change, that we can be better.

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(content below this line is not Hearthside generated. Please disregard.)

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About stillbirthday part I- the services…

One can’t spend much time around this blog, my website or my Facebook page without knowing that I’m closely associated with Stillbirthday. Stillbirthday is an organization that assists bereaved parents via multiple programs and services. I’m so proud to be a part of things- and today, I want to share *why* I’m so proud to be a part of Stillbirthday.

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Online Services:

  • Stillbirthday.com serves as an online resource library that lists local, state and national supports for bereaved parents
  • We provide information about various types of pregnancy loss and associated medications and medical procedures
  • We help to prepare families for their loss by lovingly and respectfully sharing photographs of children born at different gestational ages
  • We provide birthplans/planning guides for all gestational ages, loss types and birth locations
  • By state, we list birth & specially trained bereavement doulas who are available to serve families through a perinatal loss. Most of these doulas serve families free of charge (some may ask for travel expenses to be reimbursed)
  • Stillbirthday offers a safe, moderated place for families to write their birth story. This is a healing, therapeutic activity that allows parents to be validated and to receive recognition of their experience
  • We offer an online Stillbirthday support club on Facebook allowing families to access support at any time in a location they frequent normally
  • We offer a programs like ‘Fit to Heal’ and ‘Stepping Stones’ which focus on communal healing activities like exercise and intentional grieving to support healing
  • Stillbirthday has a group of Peer Mentors, bereaved parents who have successfully walked the grief journey, who are available to assist newly bereaved parents through a 12 week reflection process to begin healing
  • We list CLCs and IBCLCs who are willing to serve mothers with lactation after bereavement choices and to offer assistance with whatever decisions they make
  • One of our latest projects is the Stillbirthday Palliative Birth Center. We will be providing a loving and respectful out-of-hospital location for those experiencing a miscarriage or stillbirth to deliver their child. This birth center will also act as a perinatal hospice and will be staffed by physicians and midwives. Parents will be able to birth, say hello and goodbye to their children within a context that has been developed to meet their unique physical and emotional needs.

For Professionals:

  • Stillbirthday offers a Birth & Bereavement Training. Our B&BT serves several functions; we train doulas to companion through various types of perinatal loss. We also offer this training to medical/social work professionals to assist them to develop compassionate care for those they serve during pregnancy/neo-natal loss.  This training is accredited to offer 30 nursing contact hours via the Missouri Nursing Association/American Nursing Credentialing Center and we offer this training online at a very reduced cost to allow the number of trained professionals to flourish rapidly. We want parents receiving respectful, compassionate care and we want that to happen quickly! 
  • We offer Midwives and Mentoring / Caregivers and Mentoring programs to serve midwives and other professionals real-time, personal mentoring when processing a perinatal loss. Midwives, nurses, anyone who serves pregnant women and who are personally affected by a patient’s/client’s loss can reach out to us for help.
  • Stillbirthday partners with my business, Hearthside Maternity Services, to offer Stillbirthday Extension Webinars. These are ongoing webinars, ICEA accredited and offered at a lost cost, that allows public health officials, doulas, midwives, physicians, nurses, etc. to expand on and enrich the information offered in our B&BT. These webinars also can serve as an introduction to the B&BT for those not yet able to commit to the intensity of the full training. Those who take the extension webinars are offered a discount on the full Birth & Bereavement Training.
  • Heidi Faith, the founder of Stillbirthday, is available to offer local workshops for professionals. If a hospital, birth center, health department, etc would like to host Heidi, she will create a personalized program for your organization to examine and enrich how you respond to perinatal loss.
  • We are currently compiling resources to provide an online Provider Care Professional Library that will link to research studies concerning perinatal loss, bereavement and healing.

Local Supports:

  • Stillbirthday offers ‘Love Cupboards’ all over the country. These serve as a material resource to parents anticipating a perinatal loss. Appropriately sized clothing, blankets, even cloth diapers are available for families within the local community.
  • Stillbirthday Bereavement Doulas- the outcome of the Birth & Bereavement Training listed above is that by the end of March, Stillbirthday will have trained over 60 doulas to lovingly companion families through their darkest days. We are growing the number of doulas willing and ready to serve families within *your* local community.
  • Within the next year, we anticipate creating local Stillbirthday Healing Groups which will connect local families together through a 13 week guided bereavement support process.

The heart of the matter:

Stillbirthday serves all bereaved families. We are concerned with the physical, emotional, spiritual and social experience of bereaved families and we seek to assist *anyone* who is hurting- families and professionals alike- due to a perinatal loss. This is where we stand, this is where we apply our energies. We are honored and humbled to offer our support and wisdom to anyone who meets with us, online or in person.

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(content below this line is not generated by Hearthside. Please disregard.)

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Filed under Perinatal Loss